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Compulsive sexual behavior is often difficult to face. Sex addiction results in countless negative consequences and hurts many people. Relationships, marriages, families, and careers are destroyed. Anyone afflicted with sex addiction, as well as the people who love them, can find help within this book.
Milton Magness, D. Min., MA, LPC, CSAT, is the founder and director of Hope & Freedom Counseling Services in Houston, Texas. He is a licensed professional counselor and a certified sex addiction therapist.
- Sales Rank: #511546 in eBooks
- Published on: 2013-03-15
- Released on: 2013-03-15
- Format: Kindle eBook
Review
“The most comprehensive text since Out of the Shadows. A must-read for every sex addict, their partner, and their family. Each page instills hope for those struggling with sexual addiction, while not minimizing the pain involved in the process. It will help newcomers and old-timers alike.”—David L. Delmonico, Ph.D., Author, In the Shadows of the Net and Cybersex Unhooked
“I’ve worked with many women who, along with their partner, have done a weekend intensive with Dr. Magness and I consistently see these marriages having higher success rates than those who don’t utilize his services. I’m delighted that now, between the covers of this book, many more couples and individuals will be able to take advantage of his wisdom, experience and guidance as they grapple with sexual addiction in their lives and marriages. This is a must read for anyone who falls into that painful category, and for everyone who seeks to help others dealing with this issue in their lives. I often tell people this is only book they really need to read if they want to know about sexual addiction. It is the best ‘bible’ on the subject.”—Marsha Means, MA, Author, Your Sexually Addicted Spouse and Living with Your Husband’s Secret Wars
About the Author
Milton Magness: Milton Magness, D. Min., MA, LPC, CSAT, is the founder and director of Hope & Freedom Counseling Services in Houston. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist. He served five terms as president of the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH), the international professional organization for sexual addiction therapists. Dr. Magness has led national workshops on cybersex addiction and has conducted a multi-state research study that focused on cybersex behavior and recovery among self-identified sex addicts. Prior to becoming a therapist he was a pastor for twenty years. He holds the following advanced degrees: Doctor of Ministry from Luther Rice Seminary, Master of Arts in Psychology from Houston Baptist University, and Master of Arts in Religious Education from Southwestern Seminary. Dr. Magness is a native of Houston, TX, where he resides.
Most helpful customer reviews
58 of 66 people found the following review helpful.
Thoughts from a recovered sex addict
By Robert Lee
By reading the other reviews, I can see that I am clearly going to be an outlying dissident but I found this book and Mr. Magness' approach unlike any other I've seen and I have to share my honest thoughts.
Let me start by saying that I have experienced the pain, horror, and despair of sex addiction, and my wife has experienced the trauma of infidelity. I can say without qualification that I am completely responsible for my acts and I can never make up for the pain that I've caused my wife. I love her more than anything, and I am committed to rebuilding our marriage and the trust between us and so far, with the help of God and people around us, we are moving forward.
With this backdrop, it would seem that a book called "Stop Sex Addiction" would appear to be incredibly relevant to me and I was excited to dig into it when I received it from my church's counseling center. Unfortunately I quickly fount that Mr. Magness' book is not only completely counterproductive to any success of a sex addict recovering from his addiction, but I can't imagine how a marriage that experienced the trauma of this recovery program could ever survive.
Like most addictions, sex and pornography addiction is a way to escape from reality. This need for escape is typically developed during the formative years as a result of a trauma such as emotional or physical abuse. Unique to sex and pornography addiction is the overwhelming sense of shame, guilt and self-hatred accompanying the disease. The self perpetuating cycle of the shame from the acting out behavior driving further acting out brings the addict to a level of despair that only someone who has experienced it could understand. That is all to say, the addict has enough shame and guilt to deal with without a recovery program piling on him even more.
Mr. Magness' program revolves around a "disclosure" which involves a polygraph and three days of brutal interrogation between Mr. Magness, and the husband and wife, with periodic breaks for tears and physical illness. In case the addict doesn't already feel enough shame and self loathing around his or her behavior, Mr. Magness makes sure that he/she is adequately chastised in the book and presumably during the disclosure itself. An excerpt from page 186-187 - A note to the Male Sex Addict: "I do not think it is possible for male sex addicts to ever fully appreciate the depth of the pain inflicted on their partners.... The pain that you have inflicted may be deeper than if you had physically beaten her up. The damage you have inflicted with your penis is worse than any harm you could cause with your fists. So how do you feel about yourself? Are you proud of what you have done to her?" This is the tone set throughout the entire book and recovery system.
As I noted above, I own my actions, and similar to other sex addicts who hurt the one they love more than anything in the world, I hated myself for what I did. I had a lengthy period where I was obsessed with suicidal thoughts. I went through every possible scenario in my head in how to limit my wife's pain at any cost to myself, even if it meant taking my own life. The first step in recovering my marriage was recovering from sex addiction. The first step in my recovery from sex addiction was not hating myself. Now that I am further along in recovery I can see that living in the pain and hell of self loathing would result in nothing but more addictive behavior. The desperation and helplessness is utterly indescribable. Mr. Magness' approach of healing the wife through fueling the man's self hatred is appalling and utterly horrifying.
Three years after the affair, I'm living a life of freedom from addiction and joy in my marriage. I have a circle of other sex addicts to keep me accountable, my wife and I love each other more than we ever have before, and we're excited about what God holds in store for our future. Not only have we restored trust in our marriage, but we've done it without creating more pain through a recovery process. I sincerely urge anyone who reads this review to seek another form of recovery. Start with Carnes and a 12 step program. But don't feel like you have to further torture yourself to recover your marriage. God bless you through you and your spouse's recovery.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Sex Addiction Stopped!
By John H. Morris
Milton Magness gets it. In his latest book, Dr. Magness provides an easy, yet highly informative read for anyone struggling with sex addiction. Hundreds of case examples illustrate the horifying breadth of this addiction in "real-life" form. Dr. Magness' vast experience in the field is quite evident from the start. The book is comprehensive yet surprisingly free of dry, clinical jargon and "overpontification". There is definitely a sense that the author deeply wants to assist in freeing readers from the grip of sex addiction and is clear about the steps needed to do so. The book is also helpful to partners of sex addicts with multiple chapters addressing partners and couples. I highly recommend this book to everyone: sex addict, possible addict, family member, spouse or friend - everyone who reads it will benefit one way or another. Thank you Milton!
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
Sex addiction can be stopped and relationships restored
By Shelly
Dr. Magness does a great job of talking about what sex addiction is, and how to begin to stop. The book does a great job of validating the partner feelings that this is not there fault and gives reassurance that the relationship and trust can be restored.
This book is a must read for both the addict and the spouse. Dr Magness talks about how disclosure will bring trust back to the relationship, and other ways to build trust.
The book also gives helpful case examples that give understanding to the addict that they are not alone and to the partner that they are validated in their feelings. Also the spouse can supplement the book with an online video course to help heal.
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